It was nearly 6 months that I landed into the humid air of Singapore to begin another chapter in the adventure of my life.
It sounded exotic to some of my friends who’ve never lived outside the city (or even suburb) in which they were born. But as you probably know yourself, starting new chapters and ending old ones isn’t all bells and whistles.
Winding up life my life living in Australia - packing up our family home, uprooting teenage kids and replanting them in new schools in a new culture, reworking my own work schedule and plans, plus countless farewells and other international relocation “To do’s” definitely took a toll. It was an exhausting period and I had many days when I felt anything but fully grounded.
With six months under my belt now, I can look back a little more objectively on the challenges of the move (it is my fifth international relocation). One thing is very clear to me. It’s that one of the most valuable things that has carried me through has carried me through is the support of my community of friends and family whom are scattered, quite literally, around the world. An encouraging email. A handwritten note. A chat on the phone or just a voicemail or text to check in on how I’m doing. Even posts from people who’ve attended my public seminar programs or read my books on Facebook have been a grateful shot in the arm of reassurance and encouragement.
I’ve felt tempted at times to white wash the challenges of moving around the world, raising my four kids as I go; to present only the upside and leave the rest unwritten. But I also know that pretending positivity doesn’t serve anyone. Rather it can leave us with purely superficial relationships (with our 1,500 closest friends on Facebook) and feeling isolated and unsupported at the very times we most need to feel connection and support.
Research bears this out. Studies show that when we have genuine ‘touch points’ of connection with other people, it helps us handle our challenges better and emerge from them better off. Yet when life is hard going and we’re unable to present the image we want to show the world, our tendency is to withdraw from the very people who could help us. Yet it’s when we feel most like pulling back or pretending that we most need to pick up the phone, reach out and share life how it is for us. Not necessarily to everyone, but to those we know care for us most.
Yet that takes courage. Courage to lower our ‘I’ve-got-it-all-together’ mask and to reveal the unphotoshopped truth of our lives. To let people in behind the curtain and see the what we’d never post to Facebook! Having done that myself in recent months, when overwhelm and doubt have risen up inside, I can guarantee you that the relationships you build from laying your pride on the line and sharing your vulnerability will far surpass any you may lose.
Of course I have no idea what you are wrestling with in your life right now. But I do know that reaching out and connecting with people around you without the need to pretend you’ve got it all together, have all the answers or will help you to handle your challenges better and emerge better off. However big.
Margie Warrell is a certified coach bestselling author of four books who is passionate about helping people to live braver lives. She is running her first full day Live Brave Day program in Singapore on March 3rd. If you’d like to join her, check it out at www.LiveBraveDay.com
